Lessons Unlearned -- a back-to-school short by Matt Bergin

Here's an unpublished freebie for the back-to-school crowd. Wouldn't it be neat if some of my parent and teacher friends and readers had their kids take a crack at illustrating this one? If you do, please show your work at d18matt @ gmail dot com!

Lessons Unlearned

by Matt Bergin

"So, what did you learn in school today?"

I learned NOTHING in school,
and that isn’t all…
I Unlearned every lesson I’ve learned since the Fall!

I unlearned the letters A, B, C, and D,
so now my alphabet starts with E!

I unlearned the 3 numbers that come after 7,
so now I have no way to get to 11!

I unlearned that fish live under the sea.
I unlearned that monkeys swing through the trees.
I unlearned that owls fly high in the sky, sleep all through the day, and stay up all night.

I went over that lesson on owls two times,
to better unlearn that owls are wise.

Another thing I unlearned: how to tie my shoes,
all that stuff about criss-crossing laces and hoops.

I unlearned how to clean up after myself,
how to put all my stuff back on the shelf.

I unlearned that I have to eat all of my dinner.
I unlearned that not eating will make me get thinner.
I unlearned where I live.

I unlearned dad and mom.

I unlearned all my favorite stories and songs.

I unlearned that it's bedtime,
that today's at an end.

I unlearned that I miss my teachers and friends.

I unlearned that I’ll see them at school in the morning…
…right after I finish this lesson in snoring.

(Goodnight.)

Speaking of lessons--learned, in this case--it is highly desirable for an effective picture book script to function well as a bedtime story, because a tucked-in audience is a captive audience, and bedtime is the best time for moms and dads to get in some guaranteed reading. Or so I've been told. --Matt B